Grimalkin’s

Diary of a Familiar-in-Training

Saturday

Water Elements Lesson

The older and slower cats refused to play with me this morning so I climbed up to visit the bird that my witch keeps in a cage hanging in her bedroom.  The cage came crashing down bringing me and the bird with it!  My witch was mad and shot me with a squirt bottle filled with water.  Psyche, the feline matriarch, spanked me on the butt with her paw as I ran from the scene!

After that, I needed a nice meditation to calm myself, so I went out and perched on the rocks that border the fish pond.   However, as any normal kitten would be, I was distracted by the fish swimming around.  Fascinating creatures!  I climbed out onto a further rock to get a better look.

The next thing I knew, both the rock and I were in the water and the fish were looking back at me! 

My witch pulled me out of the pond and this time she was laughing.  I think the fish were laughing too.  Let me tell you, being soaked from whiskers to tail is NOT funny!  I left very quickly and with as much dignity as I could, hopping and shaking my hind paws with every step.

Magical Lesson for the Day:  Water is not my favorite of the 4 elements.

Wednesday
Fire Element - Mighty Hunter

Yesterday I practiced my hunting skills on Something Big …not just the catnip mice and ping pong balls that my mistress lets me play with.  Those are for babies!  I am big and fierce … a wild feline with terrible fangs and long, dangerous claws.  I creep stealthily upon my prey and pounce with lightening speed.  I am fearless! 

Afterward, I ate my kill.    The moth was surprisingly crunchy.

 
Friday
Fire Element- Dragon Slayer

Today I killed a terrible dragon!  It was a duel to the death, but I won!

Afterward, I was so proud that I dragged its giant carcass into the castle to show my witch and the older, slower cats.

My witch called the dragon a baby lizard and did not seem pleased.   Shows how much she knows...  However, I’ll forgive her and continue to slay dragons so the garden is safe for her to play in.

August 1   Lughnasadh             

My witch has informed me that today is a very Special Day.  Something about the first harvest of the season and she made a big deal out of going out to the garden and  picking a bunch of ripe fruits and vegetables.  She said we’d have a feast later.   I didn’t know that stuff was good to eat! 

Actually, I’m still not sure about most of it.  I tried tasting a round red thing that she called a tomato.  Definitely NOT very tasty although the smaller ones that escaped her basket were great for batting around the garden. 

What made it even more fun was when my witch joined in the game and started chasing the tomatoes I was batting around.  Every time she scored one, she’d put it back in the basket.  Once she’d scored them all, however, the game was over.   She held the basket out of my reach and said we couldn’t play anymore.  I think she was cheating.

Later she arranged the vegetables and fruits on the altar.  She lit some candles and some smelly stuff too.  I had to sit still and be very good while she talked to the God & Goddess.  Later, she praised me for being so good and so quiet, but the truth is I fell sound asleep.  All that harvesting earlier wore me out!  It’s a lot of work being a witch’s cat.

Sunday
Air Element

I discovered trees today.  You can use your claws and run up them, totally defying gravity!  Well, almost defying gravity…. I had a slight problem with my reverse gear.  My witch had to walk over and lift me down to safety.  Someday, however, I shall conquer these tall leafy giants.

Monday
Air Element continued... a Big Lesson

Did you know that a kitty can dig his claws into a tree’s trunk and climb up and up and up almost to the clouds!  What an amazing sensation!  I dominated the earth.  I could climb to the heavens.  I could terrorize the winged creatures that before had taunted me.

There’s a giant pine in the back of the cottage.  It reaches all the way up to the sun!

Today, on a dare from one of the dogs, I climbed it.  Big Mistake!

At first it was wonderful!    I actually could look down on the roof of the cottage.  Birds flew past looking very startled to see me at this elevation.  I had conquered the Heavens! 

Then my witch came out and called me for breakfast.  I was surprised at how tiny she looked way down there.  Suddenly I realized my predicament.   There was no map for getting back down!

My witch disappeared then returned with a young man.  He used a ladder to climb on the roof of the building under the tree.  He held a very long pole with a net at one end which he poked at me.  Was he trying to knock me out of the tree and to my death?  I did the only smart thing… I climbed further up and out of his reach!

By now, I was panting with fear. But far below, my witch was calling my name… and I knew she had always saved me before.  Evading the young man with his net and pole, I scramble along a branch towards my mistress.  I knew she would suddenly get bigger and pluck me from this terrible peril that I was in.

Amazingly, however, it was the young man that saved me this time.  He used the net to scoop me from the branch and onto the shed roof.  From there I was carried down the ladder and handed to my mistress.  I was still panting and trembling from my fright.  I clung to my witch and told her loudly about how I’d almost died!

She rubbed my ears and cheeks and said she understood.  She carried me into the house and presented me with my breakfast, but I was too upset to eat.  I bathed myself instead, washing away the horrible experience.

Magical Lesson for the Day:  Air is a wonderful Element to explore.  Just be sure you know the way back!

Wednesday
Combining Elements

This afternoon I was outside playing when suddenly “nature called”.    I was on the back patio of the cottage so the nearest patch of soft dirt was in one of the large terra cota pots  that my witch keeps her plants captive in.  I dug a tidy little hole and settled down to do my business.

I thought I was only pooping, but suddenly a stream of water invaded my hole.  It also was splashing all over my head!

I poked my head up through the leaves of the plant and there was my silly mistress….with a hose!

I must admit, she looked as startled as I was, but I still think she picked a heck of a time to water the plants!

Magical Lesson for the Day – My witch says earth and water elements are magically compatible.  But I learned that sometimes when you mix earth and water, you just get runny poop on your paws!

Friday

Today I learned two important magical lessons – Patience & Concentration.

It began when I was practicing my hunting skills on an exceptionally large black and yellow striped beetle.  The thing was huge - bigger than my whole paw!

Once I’d captured it, I carried it into the cottage to see if perhaps I could entice to older and slower cats into a game.  However, Pooka was busy helping my mistress answer e-mails (he gets very grouchy if I disturb them while they’re doing this) and Psyche and Tom were meditating, so I deposited the beetle on the kitchen floor and played with it by myself for a while.

I was having a wonderful time when, suddenly, the silly thing crawled under the stove!  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t reach it and the beetle refused to come out so we could continue our game.

What I needed was some Magic … and then I remembered my witch’s lecture in the herb room yesterday about how magic requires concentration and patience.  So I hunkered down, my nose a few inches from the front of the stove, and concentrated with all my might on the beetle reappearing. 

 It took a long time, but finally my patience was rewarded!

My witch entered the kitchen and noticed my concentration.  “Poor Grimalkin,” she said, “Did you lose your toy under the stove?”  (You can see by this that witches really do have remarkable psychic powers!)

I meowed that I had and she fetched her broom (a very special object,  I am told…) and poked the handle into the small opening under the stove.  She then used a mystical sweeping motion with the broom handle and, within moments, the beetle had been magically summoned and reappeared before me.  Concentration and Patience had indeed worked!

My mistress pretended surprise at seeing my “toy” was a beetle.  She carried it back outside.  Normally I would have protested, but in this case I was too pleased with the results of my Magic to complain.

Saturday - Flying Lessons

The older and slower cats have informed me that witches don’t really fly on their brooms.  I know for a fact they are mistaken because my witch has undertaken to show me how it’s done.

My first lesson took place rather unexpectedly this morning when I was playing in the fireplace.   (If you’ve never tried this, you’ll find its great fun to get in there and fling the ashes about.  Be sure you throw them far enough to clear the hearth so that they scatter across the rugs and hardwood floors.)

At any rate, I was enjoying this activity when my witch suddenly appeared with her broom in her hand.  She placed the bristle end alongside my bottom and the next thing I knew I was airborne and actually flying!

Unfortunately, I didn’t get very far – but what the heck?  It was only my first lesson.

I’ve practiced a few times since then by standing next to the broom and, once, even experimented with sitting on it.  So far, I can’t seem to achieve lift-off without my witch’s assistance.  However, one day I’ll have mastered this skill and then won’t the older and slower cats be jealous!

Sunday  - Divinity has it’s price.

My witch hates me! 

Every familiar-in-training knows that a bell rung announces Sacred Time.

However, a few days ago (after a particularly good hunt, I might add) my witch decided to install a bell around my neck! 

Now, as a cat, I’m full aware that my lineage goes straight back to many feline gods….. But must we announce Sacred Time with every step I take? 

It’s most annoying – on top of which, the collar itches and the bell alerts every bird in the area of my presence.

My witch has clearly taken leave of her senses and I will make my displeasure known… right after supper.

Monday

  I must admit I’ve grown rather attached to this bell on my collar.  It resonates with a delicate musical ting-a-ling as I trot about and the other, inferior creatures definitely take notice whenever I pass by.

It came off today and I found myself desperate to have it back on.  My witch found me rubbing my face and neck on the collar that lay on the floor, trying to re-attach the bauble myself. 

She took pity on me and picked it up.  I sat very still and purred loudly to show my gratitude as she re-fastened it about my neck.

I have realized that the bell must be a magical talisman that my witch has granted me and, as such, it is a sacred honor to wear it.  I will never lose it again!

Tuesday

I am a creature of earth and, as such, I definitely know where I should be doing my business! 

It seems my witch has “other ideas”.  She actually scolded me the other day for digging a hole in the earth around one of the larger plants she keeps captive in the house! 

There I was, in mid-stream no less, when she plucked me up, carted me into the bathroom, and planted my butt in a plastic box full of stinky perfumed sand!

Of course, I immediately jumped out, gave her the Look she deserved, and stalked off.

Wednesday - A Perilous Adventure

After breakfast this morning, I scampered outside to play.  Feeling quite brave, I ventured beyond my normal boundaries.  After all, I had my bell-talisman to protect me!

Some distance away, I found a yard with a huge pine tree.  I’d heard that high in the skies was the kingdom of the gods and, armed with my talisman, I determined to visit them.  I climbed very high and then higher still. 

A pair of giant crows flew in my face and warned me against going further.  Since I was so high up, I must have been entering the Lands of the Gods.   Since the crows looked so big and angry (and their beaks looked so sharp!) I decided to heed their advice.

I began my descent – then realized I’d forgotten the way down! 

Tree limbs, large and small, extended in every direction, each covered with a curtain of pine needles.  As I tried pushing past them, my belled-collar got snagged and immediately the clasp released.  I watched in horror as my talisman plunged down and out of sight!

I was defenseless!

I plopped my butt down and wailed for my witch to rescue me but my cries only alerted some dogs in the yard below.  They gathered around the base of the tree, barking furiously.  I was trapped.  So I hunkered down and waited…and waited….and waited. 

The blazing summer sun beat down on my fur and I longed for a cool drink.  I’d missed lunch and my tummy growled as fiercely as the dogs now lying at the base of the tree.

Still I waited.  I knew my witch would find me … and eventually she did.

When I still hadn’t returned by supper time, she apparently started combing the neighborhood.  I heard her calling and answered.  “I’m trapped!” I yelled.  “Save me!”

She found my tree and used her powers to chase off the dogs, then ordered her man to fetch a ladder.

Then…the most amazing thing!  Employing the same psychic abilities she used to locate me, my witch discovered the magical belled collar among the pine needles at the base of the tree. She lifted it up and rang the bell.  I discovered Icould follow the sound and navigate my way through the maze of branches toward it!  It WAS a talisman and it was leading me toward my witch and safety at last!

I climbed down and down, my claws slipping and sliding the whole way.  The setting sun blinding me at intervals… 'til at last I saw a corrugated flat metal garage roof below. 

I hopped to the roof with a sigh of relief. In the distance, I could see my witch’s man coming with the ladder. 

Food!  Water!  My stomach growled fiercely and my throat was parched.  I’d been all day in that tree without eating or drinking.

My witch’s man put the ladder against the side of the garage… but suddenly, I realized there was something else I hadn’t done all day!

I evaded his outstretched hand as he perched on the ladder and made my way to a discreet spot at the opposite end of the garage roof.  There I dug a hasty hole in the pine needles….

A few moments later, and relieved in more ways than one, I allowed myself to be rescued.

 December 10, 2010

Brrrrr…COLD outside!  And the sunlight hours have shrunk so that it’s dark most of the time now.   I’m going stir-crazy in the cottage, discovering new heights on the tops of bookshelves and the beams just below the ceiling. 

But my witch has cheered me up by announcing that another holiday is eminent.  She calls it Yule. 

She hauled in a bunch of boxes that were filled with things to adorn the cottage for the event.  Always willing to help, I investigated each box thoroughly and pulled out most of their contents for her.  You’d think she’d be more appreciative!

December 11^th

My witch is WONDERFUL!

Realizing my frustration with the weather outside, she has brought a tree for me INSIDE!  Not only that, she has hung all sorts of shiny dangling toys for me to play with upon its branches.

She must not know about my amazing ability to see in the dark because she also illuminated the tree with tiny lights.  I’d have explained that this was not necessary, but she went to so much trouble and seemed so pleased with the results, that I didn’t want to hurt her feelings…

December 12^th

I’m in TROUBLE.

I was playing in my tree last night and accidentally knocked off and broke some of the toys my witch had hung along the branches for me.

This morning, she was quite annoyed.  She didn’t even believe me when I tried to blame the older and slower cats.

And honestly, it wasn’t my fault!  Anyone should know better than to make a kitty’s plaything out of such thin glass!  For Goddess’s Sake, I might have cut my little paws!

December 18^th

My witch has been indulging in some very strange behavior lately.  She takes objects out of paper bags and then proceeds to re-cover them with different paper.  (She has to tie ribbon around them so this new paper won’t fall off.)  Some of the things she brings home in the paper bags are removed and placed in different paper bags.  She then stuffs tissue paper on top so the objects are totally buried.  Why?

And, when she’s done, she puts them under the tree she brought inside for me, then wanders off and forgets about them!

At first I thought it was a marvelous new game she’d created for me.  They were under MY tree after all!  So I dove into my new playthings and had a glorious time killing the ribbons and pulling the tissue paper out of the bags and shredding it.

It seems however that I was mistaken because she scolded me soundly as soon as she discovered the aftermath of my game.  She re-wrapped the objects and found fresh tissue to stuff in the bags.  I was then sternly told to leave them alone.

So I took my frustrations out on the roll of paper she keeps next to the toilet.  HA!  Just wait til she finds THAT mess!

 December 21

I am so mad!

Apparently last night was  the Yule celebration my witch has been telling me about.  And then she went off to join her human friends and celebrated it without me!

She tried to console me by saying that we could get up early this morning to watch the Yule sun rise, but I don’t see what was so special about it.  I’m up every morning at dawn and this sun didn’t look any different to me than yesterday’s sun or the one before that.  

I got my revenge while she was gone by destroying the Yule village she had set up on one of tabletops in the parlor.  Little ceramic villagers don’t run very fast, but I still had fun terrorizing them.  One of the residents, in fact,  is still cowering under the sofa.